his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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