if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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