you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
