Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
