My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
