Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
