I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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