pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This baby is an asshole
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
