she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize