So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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