Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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