Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You did what with his pubic hair?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
