Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
