im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
