Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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