Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
