She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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