Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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