I must be too annoying 4 u.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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