I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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