Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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