LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
