You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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