I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
