I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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