i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
pray to the hookup gods
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
