OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
