I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
