OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
