$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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