Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
