his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
