If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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