She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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