You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Say something about gay babies.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she told me i tasted like america
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
