No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
