is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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