actually, I'm a sock model
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
