i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
