sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
