**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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