Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
