So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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