You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
