you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
