Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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