Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
