I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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