found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
