She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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