Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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