I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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