I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
