Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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