yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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