he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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