even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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