I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
