sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
