By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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