You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we should paint friendship bongs
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