Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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