I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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