So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
