If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
