My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize