I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
