My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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