I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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