I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
