why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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