it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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