Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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