anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We need to rekindle our bromance
pop tarts are not kleenex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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