don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
